Why My Life Would Make a Terrible Breaking Bad Episode

I am terrible at small talk and I am starting to think that it is because I don’t watch enough television.

I’ve never seen an episode of Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, or Downton Abbey and it seems like that is all anyone wants to talk about these days.  If you are looking to discuss TV shows, I’m the wrong guy to talk to.

Recently there is a big deal being made about the show Breaking Bad. I know many people watch it and say it is the best show on TV right now.

I am so out of the loop that I don’t even know what channel it is on. My only interaction with Breaking Bad is that I saw a commercial for it once and thought, “Isn’t that the dad from Malcolm in the Middle? What happened to his hair? Bald is not a good look for him. Why does he look so angry?”

But with all the talk of the show’s acclaim, I decided to read up about the program and see what it is all about. What I found was that my life would make a terrible Breaking Bad episode.

For those of you like me, who haven’t seen an episode, the show is apparently about Walter White (Bryan Cranston aka the dad from Malcolm in the Middle) who is a struggling high school chemistry teacher that is diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. White turns to a life of crime and begins producing and selling meth with the help of a former student. He hopes the drug business will secure his family’s finances before he dies.

I’ll admit that sounds like a great premise for a drama, but I just can’t relate.

My high school chemistry teacher was the sweetest, funniest old man that you could ever meet. He was very soft spoken and I’m sure he has never heard of Method Man let alone methamphetamines.

He was more like Bill Nye the Science Guy than he was like Walter White.

Plus my high school was so dull that I doubt any students knew how to help a teacher get involved in a drug ring. The only ring us kids would have known how to get into was a ring pop.

So I don’t think I will get hooked on Breaking Bad anytime soon. I just can’t relate to their storylines. My life would make an awful episode. There would be no drugs, no violence and the only drama would be performed by clumsy, sweaty kids in our cafetorium.

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