A Day in the Life of Queen Elizabeth II

The recent birth of Prince William & Kate Middleton’s first child got me thinking about Queen Elizabeth II. How wonderful must it be for the queen to have a great grandchild? I’m sure she will love spending time with that baby boy.

That made me wonder…what does the Queen do all day? Does she have a strict schedule, or is she allowed to do whatever she wants?

Here is my version on a day in the life of the Queen:

10:30 – 11:30am: Rise, shine & dine –

Unlike most octogenarians, the Queen loves to sleep in past 10:00am. She always checks her phone for text messages and tweets before she rolls out of her Sleep Number king-sized bed (queen-size was just too small, her sleep number is 55).

On her stroll down to the royal dining hall, she gets a morning update from her trusty assistant Wennington. The morning report usually consists of the weather forecast, financial updates and the latest news from TMZ.

For breakfast she typically eats Cookie Crisp cereal with an English muffin. One of the first things that the she did when she became Queen was to move a TV into the royal dining hall. Her favourite shows are The Price is Right (if she’s up in time), Breaking Bad & Whose Line is it Anyway? Contrary to popular belief, she doesn’t watch Downton Abbey.

12:00 – 3:00pm: Fit for a Queen –

If there is one thing the Queen is known for, it is her strict workout routine. She is always on the cutting edge of fitness and has tried yoga, P90X & Insanity Workout. Her current workout routine begins with a 30 minute warm up on the elliptical followed by an hour of Hip Hop Abs. The Queen loves working out and listening to Ja Rule, so this workout is perfect for her.

After she rocks her core, it is time to head to her Olympic size pool. She loved the aquatic center from the 2012 London Olympics so she had it moved into her house. Following the swim, she cools off with an hour long massage.

3:30 – 4:30pm: Refuel –

After a strenuous workout the Queen heads back to the royal dining hall for lunch. She is usually exhausted at this time and wishes that she didn’t have to walk all the way back to the dining hall. She wants to be able to ride a miniature pony from room to room, but Wennington will not allow it. Instead she is thinking of installing moving sidewalks.

Lunch features a protein shake, wheatgrass shot & a Lunchable. The royal chef loves the Queen because all her meals are toasted, microwaved or blended.

4:30 – 7:00pm: Free time –

During free time the Queen can be found Skyping with President Obama, playing Words With Friends with Elton John or watching YouTube videos.

7:30 – 8:30pm: Noble nourishment –

For dinner, the Queen loves Bagel Bites. The only bad part is that sometimes she can’t wait to eat them when they come out of the over and she burns the top of her mouth.

During dinner the royal court jester, Mr. Bean, performs jokes and skits for the Queen.

9:00pm –??: Bust a royal move –

Following dinner, the Queen goes over to her friend Angie’s house to play Bunco. At least that is what she tells Wennington. Somehow she always is able to lose the royal guards that follow the her 24/7. The Queen typically returns home around 1:00am, raving about another wild night of Bunco.

Overall, the Queen’s staff loves her. She is low maintenance, nice and not like that old Queen at all. Elizabeth I used to make the whole staff memorize the Encyclopedia Britannica, perform Shakespeare and make porridge for every meal. The only thing the staff doesn’t like about Lizzy 2.0 is when the she makes everyone play human chess. It is not fair that she gets to move wherever she wants just because she is a Queen.



Picture by NASA/Bill Ingalls [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons