Valentines Day Special: Featuring Lady Gaga

Given that I go on dates about as often as there’s a lunar eclipse, I am probably not qualified to dish out relationship advice — I’ll stick to other important topics, like telling you what kind of life lessons we can learn from gum. However, I recently noticed something during the Super Bowl that I felt compelled to comment on. Don’t worry, this post won’t feature 5 things we can learn about love from the Falcons collapse (although, don’t you doubt for a second that I couldn’t come up with at least 5).

In addition to her flying around the stadium accompanied by an army of drones, Lady Gaga’s halftime performance was lauded for it’s music. Imagine that, a performer actually singing her songs during an in-game concert. The fireworks we great, but her ability to not only sing but also keep her breath with so much movement and action taking place really stood out.

I know very few of Ms. Gaga’s songs. Sure, I hear them at the gym while I am at a workout class with a bunch of middle aged women (middle aged women love Lady Gaga and hate planks), but I don’t think I could tell you the words from many of them. One song in particular caught my ear, so I decided to look up the lyrics.

The song is called Million Reasons and it begins like this:

You’re giving me a million reasons to let you go.
You’re giving me a million reasons to quit the show.”

We don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to realize that this song is about someone or something that is not treading Lady G right. It could be a boyfriend, a manager, or her Netflix account, who knows. But we know that things are not right.

The song continues to repeat that there are a million reasons for this relationship to end.

I bow down to pray.
I try to make the worse seem better.
Lord, show me the way.
To cut through all his worn out leather.
I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away.
But baby, I just need one good one to stay.”

Wait, what?

Now we are up to a hundred million reasons to leave. Things are bad. But it will only take one reason to stay? Don’t get me wrong, I love the rhyming. And it sure does sound good with a piano playing dramatically in the background, but that seems like pretty terrible advice.

Let’s start with all the reasons to walk away. A hundred million, really? That is probably a slight exaggeration. I doubt anyone has 100 million reasons for anything. We can all agree that Morgan Freeman’s voice is better than Gilbert Gottfried’s but I doubt we have 100 million reasons why.

So let’s just reduce that number a little. Let’s say 100 reasons to walk away is more realistic. I would consider that to be a red flag. On the light side it is nudge, perhaps. On the strong side it is more than enough evidence to put this relationship on death row.

I don’t know about you, but I’d need more than one reason to stay. I’d need at least 7.

I am sure there is more depth to this song that I am just not getting. And who knows, maybe this song is about more than what it appears — kinda like how I don’t think The Beatles ever really lived in a Yellow Submarine. But that being said, I would like to offer some advice on this Valentines Day…

If you have 100 million reasons to do anything – eat ice cream, throw away your collection of pogs, or walk away from a relationship — you should probably do it.